How to Write a Hate To Love Romance that Feels Natural, Believable, and Brilliant

I’m a hopeless romantic. I was raised on Jane Austen (thank you, Mom) and fell in love with telling stories about people falling in love. But not all romances start with the meant-to-be characters happily getting along. Sometimes they start out wishing death upon each other.

This plot device is called “hate to love romance” and it happens to be one of my favorite things under the sun. It’s when two characters start the story completely disinterested and even resentful towards each other — then end the story embracing and smiling and realizing that they are, in fact, perfect for each other. As you can imagine, a lot of character development has to take place in order for this drastic change of heart to feel believable to the reader. So is it tricky to write? Yes. But is it worth it? ALSO YES.

Looking back on the stories I’ve written and the ones I’ve been plotting in my head for a long time, I realized that this is my favorite romance trope. I write it SO MUCH. I also love to read it — and evidently lots of other people do, too. What are some well-known stories with hate to love romance? Two favorites that come to mind are: Pride & Prejudice and Anne Of Green Gables. There are lots more, but today we’re going to use these two bestselling stories as examples.

Although it rarely happens in real life, hate to love romance is both a pleasure to read and a pleasure to write. It makes your story more dynamic, because your characters have to experience a major change of heart — and, when written well, it can make your book so addictive, readers won’t want to put it down. So with my experience of writing (and fangirling over) hate to love romance, today I’m going to show you how to craft a brilliant (and natural) story arc that will take your characters from enemies to more-than-friends. Let’s dive right in!

ESTABLISH THE REASON BEHIND THE HATE

Before we begin, we have to dig into the first impressions of these characters. Whether they have loathed each other for a long time or only just met and did not hit it off, nobody hates without reason. In fact, “hate” in this case can be more accurately described as “a negative judgement one character has of another, based on their perspective.” A little philosophical-sounding, maybe. But honestly that’s what it all boils down to.

So what negative judgements have your characters made about each other? Let’s take for example, Pride And Prejudice. When Elizabeth first meets Darcy, she’s immediately put off by his pride and arrogance — not to mention his miserable expression. On the opposite end of the spectrum, Darcy judges the laughing and light-hearted Lizzy as “barely tolerable” and is repelled by her family’s “lack of propriety.” Let’s just say it’s not a smooth start to one of the greatest love stories of all time.

Bad first impressions are usually the root of all dislike.* When we don’t know a person, we are trying to decide whether or not to trust them — and if they show any sign of being unlikeable, our brain is quick to judge. So if you don’t have a “first impression” moment in your hate to love romance story, I highly recommend crafting one. Even if it’s backstory, write the scene! Feel the tension and conflict happening in these characters. Know the root of their problem with each other, and you’ll be able to write their problem so much better.

*fun fact: the original working title of Pride And Prejudice was actually First Impressions

WHO HATES WHO?

Relationships are always more dynamic than simply “we hate each other.” As we explored in the last question, there’s a lot more tension and conflict boiling below the surface. But what if the bad feeling is not mutual? What if Person A resents Person B, but Person B actually likes Person A? OOOH THE PLOT THICKENS.

Although this is still technically hate to love romance, it throws a monkey wrench into an otherwise simple relationship. This is actually one of my favorite types of romance — because there’s so much potential for lots of different plot twists.

Let’s take Anne Of Green Gables for example. When Anne first meets Gilbert, she smashes a slate over his head (not a good first impression) because he insensitively teased her (also not a good first impression.)

But what Anne doesn’t realize is that Gilbert actually likes her — despite their competitive relationship, he admires her spirit, imagination, and determination to constantly better him. This not only creates more conflict for the characters, but it makes the reader more intrigued to see what change of heart is going to unfold next; what if they both change their minds about each other? Then, my friend, we have a mess on our hands.*

*shoutout to Flipped, one of my favorite books of all time.

DON’T FORGET THE HALFWAY POINT FRIENDSHIP

Nothing will make your hate to love romance feel as ridiculous and unnatural as your characters suddenly going from hating each other to loving each other. A change of heart is never sudden. It happens over time. Think of your story like the alphabet. Between A and Z, there are 24 other letters — there are lots of other moments in your story. And it’s that middle ground that makes a hate to love romance believable.

This is usually the place of “friendship” or “we don’t really know what we are, but we’re getting along and this is weird.” Remember that although it’s clear to your reader what is really going on, your characters don’t understand a thing. They won’t be able to pinpoint the moment their hearts started to change, even if the reader can. At the end of Pride And Prejudice, when Elizabeth asks Darcy when he started to fall in love with her, he replies, “I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.” < See? Even Mr. Darcy doesn’t know what the heck is going on.

LET YOUR CHARACTERS RESIST LOVE

Chances are, your characters have been hating each other for a long time. They’ve gotten used to it, stuck in their ways — any feeling that isn’t familiar is going to scare them. Which means when they first feel love for the person they’ve hated for so long, they won’t be thinking: “Huh. I think I was wrong and I actually really love that person.” They’ll more likely be thinking: “Am I feeling an emotion????? EW GET IT OFF.”

This is what makes hate to love romance so enjoyable, even comical sometimes. Our biology rebels against change of any kind — which includes a change of heart from enemies to more-than-friends. When our hard-won beliefs are challenged by new feelings and ideas, we a) feel exposed, b) feel afraid, and c) desperately try to hold onto our old beliefs. Of course, your character’s efforts to stay on the warpath are going to be futile, but they have to fight. If they cave to the first flicker of affection for their nemesis? Let’s just say your readers will be rolling their eyes for the exit.

Let’s go back to our example of Anne Of Green Gables. It takes a lot of time and introspection for Anne to finally come around and realize that she does indeed have feelings for Gilbert — she has to swallow her pride and come to grips with the fact that she was wrong, all this time. (Not an easy revelation for any of us.) Every story is different, so your character’s internal conflict will be unique to them. But how they overcome their obstacles and win their “aha” moment — that’s what the story is truly about.

CAN YOU FEEL THE HATE TO LOVE TONIGHT?

Time to GO FORTH AND WRITE YOUR BRILLIANT ROMANCE STORY. You know you can do this — don’t overthink it, but do remember these tips. And if you need more help with outlining, creating relatable characters, or creating a not-annoying strong female character for your hate to love romance, I’VE GOT YA COVERED:

TALK, BRO

Are you obsessed with hate to love romance like I am?? Or: what is your FAVORITE romance trope? (I’m guessing it’s probably not insta-love.) Comment below and share your favorite story with characters who start out hating each other and end up loving each other!